So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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