Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
