i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
