please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
