I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
