Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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