We need to start having sex underwater more often.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
