I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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