I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
