i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
