I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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