What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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