You really coming over, don't trick.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
