i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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