booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Someone came in the potted fern
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize