I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
