I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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