I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
