No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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