mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
