So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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