I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
