fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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