I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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