How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I need to sanitize my soul.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
