You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
