Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
