Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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