My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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