guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Send help, water and tortillas.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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