It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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