I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
