Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize