You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
