): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
