the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
