i permit you to call me
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
