she woke up with a sticky ear
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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