Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
