Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
