Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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