nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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