Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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