Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
