so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
