Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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