Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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