Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Drake has all the answers
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize