So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
