told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sext me about skeletons
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
