i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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