Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
