reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
