You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
