I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
