Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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