I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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