Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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