She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
