The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
